When it All Falls Down
by jadedghostgurl
Summary: SxF , She thought he was gone. He thought there was no reason to live. Now after it all seems as though Spike and Faye are completely lost in the world , they start to find solid ground in each other.But Spikes sudical habit can end it all
1. Shattered

**Okay this is the Alternative story to ' First Cut is the Deepest. This takes place right after ' The Real Folk Blues part 2' and in this one Spike is suicidal. Same weapon of choice ; cutting. **

**You know it's really funny , Spike is much easier to work with when it comes to angsty stuff like this because compared to any other character he is much more jaded. **

**Considering the whole : Julia , Vicious / stuck in the past thing you know ? I personally think this one is better then ' First is the Deepest' , even though the concept is the same , I think I 've progressed as a writer since I 've been doing it like a lot longer you know ? Well anyway please review and enjoy !! kis kis **

**I guess 'Your Illusion' is kinda a prelude to this story ' because it picks up right where that left off , so it you want feel free to read that story of mine and REVIEW ( I have no shame …) **

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_**( Prayer for Love by Hitomi plays )** that is the best song …. _

Everything was quiet in the bedroom of Faye Valentine . The quiet was not natural , it was a strained silence as though something terrible and forbidden hung in the air.

Something that could blend with the darkness of the air. Faye's various comforters and pillows were placed disconnectedly around the room as though they had been thrown in some kind of fit of emotion.

Sad dull green eyes fluttered open as Faye rolled to face her wall away form the door which she had woken facing . Her gorgeous face was streaked with Dried salty tears from were she'd been crying over her lost comrade. She couldn't bear to look at the door that lead outside the bebop to world any longer.

That outside world had hurt her too much. First the accident had crippled her in the already brutal galaxy and now the world had robbed her of Spike , her pillar of strength. In all honesty , Spike was what Faye was fighting for , To save him from himself , to hold him as her own .

Faye groaned and clutched tighter onto her pillow .

Just remembering that woman made her cringe. Faye had only met Julia once but she regretted having ever met her. But she had and now she knew. It would have been easier for Faye to grasp Spike's death had she not met Julia.

If Faye hadn't met Julia , she could have had a scapegoat someone to blame it all on . Faye wouldn't have to live with Julia's haunting image the way Spike had , knowing that Julia was everything and every other woman against her amounted to nothing. Faye could grieve without the knowledge that a dead woman had given Spike everything that Faye wanted to bestow upon him.

It would have been so much easier

She wanted to stay locked up in her room forever , alone , guarded from heavy handed Life. But she miserable peace was to be short lived.

" Faye , GET THAT ASS OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM NOW !!"

The familiar pounding of metal on flesh and bone drifted to Faye's ears . She wanted to tell Jet to fuck off , but she knew it must be something important so despite the constant throbbing ache in her bones from Sorrow she stumbled to the door.

Jet's voice grew louder and more powerful with every step Faye took. Everything hurt : her head , her eyes were soar forming weeping , her throat was dry and itchy from screaming into her pillow , her voice was testament to this. But her heart and ego were aching with a searing pain like no other. Faye reached the door , but failed to open it , instead she lay her head against the cold metal and sniffled back a whimper.

" What is it Jet I am kinda busy right now."

As soon as she words hit the oxygen in the room , the pounding halted with astounding speed.

A Jet had not have been able to see Faye , but he could sure as hell tell when something was wrong. In the moment , everything was wrong. The whole damned day was wrong , the call for a Hospital , Jet limping around the ship like some washed out dog , and now Faye.

Bicthy , self-centered Faye , was crying. Jet knew he would never be able to ask her the question, but he already knew the answer , Faye had been crying over Spike. As soon as that boy left Faye had fled to her room and not been seen outside since.

Jet also knew she had tried to save him , or at least stop him from walking away , she had failed miserably. Reaction to her failure was apocalyptic , she had first emptied her entire clip to her Glock into the ceiling then fled to her room screaming into her pillow and cursing herself for becoming attached Spike in the first place.

Jet softened his deep voice form , a harsh bark to a coaxing tone. His mind's eyes saw Faye slouched against the door , exactly as she was , it was gonna be a long night.

" Faye…"

In the darkness of her room , Faye ached to open the door and see what Jet wanted , but turn again she yearned to stay in her isolated world of despair. She lifted her hand to her face to roughly wipe off some of her old tears before she stood up , preparing to open the door.

" I coming out Jet , but first what is it ?"

Jet grimaced , in a way he also wished Faye could stay in her room , away from the harsh new Jet had just receive. Jet furrowed his brow and messaged his temples before taking a deep breath . He didn't know if Faye could take another metal blow , but he was about to find out.

Faye waited for Jet's reply , but it never came. The silence was cutting into her , making her nervous . His newly built courage was beginning to go sour as she tell his reply would be bad news.

" It's Spike."

Faye drew in a sharp breath , take could be heard on both sides of the door. Faye felt the hot tears begin to side on her cheeks , her bravery was failing her miserably.

" Faye ?"

On the other side of the door , Faye whimpered and took a deep breath sucked it up. In the mist of her sadness , she was angry at herself , for showing weakness to Jet so obviously. Faye let out an unsteady breath , she was going to make this easy on herself , Jet would tell her Spike was dead and then it would all be over. This was , Spike , they were talking about , nothing was ever that easy with Spike.

" Yeah ?"

Deep breath,

" He's alive"


	2. Battered

**Okay THIS wekk is the dreaded FINALS WEEK so this update is super short and I don't thin it's very good at all . anyway please please please revciew .. anyway this chapter so how Faye feels about Spike coming back , much love !!!**

Faye Hated hospitals. She had always hated hospitals. In a way she had a grudge against them , they had concealed her from the world for the majority of her generation and spit her out into a new one. One that was not her own , one when she watched her few remaining friends slide into the shadows the age. In a dark where mortality lurked.

" Faye?"

Faye blinked she hadn't hear Jet calling her name , or maybe she had heard him and wanted to ignore his voice. She wanted to ignore the entire night. Their she and Jet where , Mars Intensive Care Unit , about to scoop Spike up **again** and nurse him back to health **again**. About the rescue the man that drove Faye up the walls.

" What ? Huh ?"

" We can go see him on."

Faye's peachy lips parted , she hadn't bothered wearing any makeup or putting on her normal hair band . She sighed as she rose from the over cushioned tweed hospital chairs in the lobby.

" Right.."

Faye whispered as she kept pace with Jet , the hospital smells were driving Faye crazy as they walked. A silence fell over the two as they reached room 912 , Jet sighed and suddenly looked the old man he was getting to be .

" Here is the Room."

Faye nodded , sensing the nervousness between them. Why was this hard ? They had done this before , it was a old routine : Spike was reckless , Spike got hurt , Jet and Faye cleaned up his mess .

But this was a new routine , all those times Spike had been hurt , he had put up a fight , he had had a drive to survive in the heat of battling. Not now , this time Spike was hurt because , he had had no will to live , not without Julia. Spike was in the hospital because he had tried to end it all , make it all stop. Opening the door to room 912 was like open the mouth the hell and peaking in.

Your gonna get hurt.

"Jet?"

"Yeah?"

"He died."

Jet gaped at this not really sure what to say. Of course , it was easier for Jet to grasp Spike's death , after all he was man. There was never as much emotion with men but with woman there was. Jet saw Spike's actions as Spike being a stupid and reckless youth , but he also knew that Spike had tried to end his own life.

Fort Faye , it was different , it was all different , in her eyes Spike had abandoned them for a ghost , he had abandoned a chance for a new life to go and try to resurrect an a past life.

"Faye , I think he went to protect us , from the Dragons.."

Faye snorted at this. Jet was trying to condone Spike suicidal behavior by lying.

"Bullshit , Jet don't make excuses for him."

Faye growled this though her teeth as she felt her temper getting warm.

" I am not Faye."

Faye's eyes became large and pleading as if dying for him to admit the truth, her bottom lip quivered slightly as she stared at Jet.

"You are and you know it. He went to go die why don't we just let him , he is a grown ass man . It is **not **our responsibility to pick up the pieces when he falls down."

Jet opened his open and then closed it as he sighed , shrugged admitting defeat to Faye. He could see , Faye was feeling emotions about Spike , that he wouldn't know about , and that disabled him from helping her see the truth.

" Faye , please can we deal with this later."

His answer was a growl.

"Fine."

That was when Jet opened the door , the doorway in hell.

**I know this Chappie was stupid and short but , I had to update for you guys , because I love yall , this week is finals week so next week I 'll update and I promise to get the drama going .. besides Spike will be back in action … sort a .. anyway love you lots !!! KISSES … REVIEW PLEASE!!!**


	3. Yet Stilling Trying hard

Sorry it took me to motherfucking long to update , I ko I am a bicth for that one , but this Chappie is really really short. Sorry about that one 2. But omg , the NOTEBOOK if the bestest movie ever ,

Loveandpeace522: I was reading : Past lives and I really read the missing lemon, I love the you make Spike soo loveable ( like we all know he is )

# if you read all th titles 2gether , it says crap , i just figured that out , isn't that sad?

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Spike's room

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"Try" by Nelly Furtado 

It he could have he would. But he couldn't. Spike Spiegel of all people , couldn't kill himself. Although , he wanted to he couldn't . He simply couldn't cut into his arm any deeper. Or at least not deep enough o off himself .

All I know  
Is everything is not as it's sold  
but the more I grow the less I know  
And I have lived so many lives  
Though I'm not old  
And the more I see, the less I grow  
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

In the silence of his room , If Spike Spiegel could have killed himself , he would have , he would have done himself in right then and there , it he could have. But there was something holding him back.

After Julia died , the world had stopped , or at else for a fleeting moment it came to a brief yield. Every raindrops that was falling in the terrible moment , fell with such sound it could have been heard by the angels. When the cloud's teardrops hit the ground , they shattered , along with everything Spike believed in , and his fragile heart.

Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try  
Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try

Men like Spike were never shattered , or at least that was the illusion men like Spike wanted everyone to believe. In the truth , men like Spike were quite easily shattered , it just depended on where they were hit. One point of all hard men is soft. Tender to the extreme. A point which is forbidden for anyone to know about. It the rose budding in the field of barbed wire.

Spike was like Achilles the Greek hero , king of all the kings in war. Untouchable , in every view of life. Yet like Achilles , Spike had one weakness . For Achilles it was the heel, for Spike it was Julia.

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness  
And all the real people are really not real at all  
The more I learn, the more I learn  
The more I cry, the more I cry  
As I say goodbye to the way of life  
I thought I had designed for me

Everything Spike had every done , was for Julia , every breath he took , every bullet he shot . Every time Spike was wounded and kept going. That was all in Julia's name. Spike would have gone to the ends of the earth for Julia and he did.

Now Spike was at the end of the World , and he was about to fall over the cliff.

The bloody wounds , in the form of long slivered cuts , ran up to his elbow and back down to his wrist.

Cutting

It helped ease the pain , but causing more. It aided Spike in punishing himself , for the big fuck up of his miserable life. Julia , he had let her die. Like a solider in battle letting the flag touch the ground , and then being forced to watch it burn into ashes. That is what is was like with Julia's death , only worst.

Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try  
Then I see you standing there  
I'm all I'll ever be  
But all I can do is try  
Try

Spike held his breath his he dragged his pocketknife across his soft tan flesh , watching the skin spilt apart and the blood begin to seep out of the flesh wound. Breathing out he savored the pain , fighting back his instinct to ignore the agony.

No , this he wanted all for himself , all the pain to himself all the hot , burning , stinging pain to himself. All for him. Spike wanted death but he couldn't have it . She was keeping him form it , she was keeping him form his permanent release.

All of the moments that already passed  
We'll try to go back and make them last  
All of the things we want each other to be  
We never will be  
And that's wonderful, and that's life  
And that's you, baby  
This is me, baby  
And we are, we are, we are, we are  
Free  
In our love  
We are free in our love

Whenever he was about to place the blade to neck and do it , Faye popped into his mind. He could just imagine her face. Shocked , her eyes wide and then closing to hide the pain , the lay behind her pale lids. Her tears falling on his own dead skin , her screams. With this running through his head , he couldn't do it , he simply could not do it , as much as he wanted to , as much as he needed to. So slicing up his arm would have to do and meeting Julia in the afterlife , would have to wait until Spike muster up the courage to be a man..

I know that chapter was a piece of shit from a donkey's ass but I had had had had to update. I hated leaving you guys hanging fopr so long. Longer and better chappies coming!


	4. Changes

Okay , I 've decided to foucus oin this sotry more than Retro Remdey , because that story is super long and I need something new , for my mind to chew on you know. Like it you read a really long book , it can get really boring if you don't read something else , every now and then. Anyway . in this chapter , Faye will start to suspect things and well their may be a conflict I don kno.

As always sorry for the shitty grammar

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Spike's training room / Observation room

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. Faye Valentine gazed out into open space , looking at every star. Thinking about how when one faded out another star was born. Or at least that's what she wanted to believe. Things had been changing on the Bebop and Faye seemed to be the only one taking notice. Ever since Spike had come back , things had been different. Things had been quieter. Faye sighed as she peered out into the endless galaxy , with her long delicate legs , encased by her slender arms , tucked to her chest and chin rest on her knees.

When Jet and Faye had brought him back on board , perhaps they where looking for a miracle. As though Spike could breath life back in the Bebop. But Spike hadn't , in fact Spike seemed dead. He barely appeared for meals and when he did , he didn't wolf down his food , but instead picked up his plate and retreated back in to the silica of his room that was becoming Spikes voluntary prison . For the first few days , Faye dealt with it , condoning his awkward actions with the notion of : his was recovering form the near fatal encounter.

But after a few weeks of this bullshit Faye had started to notice things , Spike definitely wasn't as boisterous as he had been before , nor did he pour hours in his martial arts. Also Faye notice Spike's body manner was also changing. God's knows , before the incident with Vicious , Spike carried himself around the Bebop as if he was a God.

After every training session , strutting through the common room , just to tease Faye , let her know what she couldn't have , just like the loveable asshole he was. But now , there was no strutting only a simple walk . The walk of a broken soul , the walk of a dead man. Faye also noticed , the fiery life that had once engulfed his eyes was dulled , down to a sad fading glow.

" Spike . what's wrong with you ? "

Faye's voice was barely a quiet whisper as she utter her thoughts in the piercing the silence.

" Faye what the fuck are you talking about ?"

Faye jumped and snapped her body around to see Spike standing in the doorway. His slim body leaning on the doorframe. Although this was a normal Spike pose , it looked as though he were tired , worn out. Looking extremely thin , even for him , which rose a worry in Faye.

" Nothing."

" You shouldn't talk about other people , behind their backs…"

Faye's worry was then balance by her anger. Spike didn't even know what the fuck he was talking about , but her still accused her of talking behind his back …. The nerve. He could a few steps closer to Faye , seemingly pulled himself fro the doorway with a heave.

" I wasn't asshole."

" Then what were you doing ."

Faye cringed he was obviously picking a fight and if Faye had anything to do with it , he was going to get one.

" Is it any of your business?"

" I hear you say my name , so I guess it is."

"Go to hell."

"I wish I could."

Spike whispered below his breath , barely loud enough for Faye to hear. But those four syllables spoke volumes. For as long as Faye had known Spike , he had always made dangerous comments but never ones about his own death.

"Spike ?"

Spike looked his deep in the eyes , realizing his mistake.

"What ?"

" Never mind.."

Okay that's the need , a lil bit of a cliffhanger for Yall. Like in most of my stories that first few chapters are all about the build up. So this is another part of the build up before we have some real plot. I having some trouble , thinking of solid ways to have S and F interact without making it seem like a really bad fucking soap opera. I think you can tell I this Chappie but whatever.

Kendra Leuhr : omg , I love you , your like my best reviewer EVER !

Loveandpeace522: DITOO!( same goes for you as well

Next Time :

The Midnight Snack


	5. In the dark

Okay Iam updating again , this is the second time in like a week and Well I can't really describe this chapter but yeah… AND OMG. Yall will never believe what happen to me on the way school.

My brother and I we're stopping at VONS and we spilt up : I get the cereal and breakfast stuff and he'd go to get the milk. But yeah I was looking for the Captain Crunch and I turned around and I think I saw an angel. As in , I saw this teenager ( probably about 18-22) who looked like he could have been Spike. He had the poofy hair the was combed but not really and the most gorgeous nose that was just slightly hooked like Spike and he's lips were sooo nice….aww. But this guy had green eyes not brown , buit either way he was SMOKING ! I kid you stop , this man was beautiful , not to mention that gorgeous tush (booty) on him…..

Anyway…..

Faye crept her way down the long dark halls of the Bebop , making her nightly pilgrimage to the kitchen to rummage for any scrap of food , the would satisfy her midnight munchies. Even though it was dark in the seemingly endless halls , Faye couldn't risk using a flashlight and getting herself caught by Jet or even worst Ed . Who for sure alert Jet to her snagging food. Sp she crept along the navigating by memory or little hints she would leave herself so she wouldn't get lost in the dark.

Her long deer like legs were exposed in her black lacy lingerie boy shorts and the moon colored skin her midriff open to the elements , curiosity of the white half t-shirt that read in black letters : Spice Girls World Tour 2003. Faye had gotten it on Earth during a bounty hunt , something about the band's name drew her in , something familiar. She floated through the halls like a bird would float over water. Her skin was so light and pale , she seemed to glow through the shady halls of the Bebop.

This happened often , Faye would wake up in the middle of the night and mo-z her way to the kitchen , where she would find , the occasional candy bar or at least some Jack Daniels , Jet had left out. Faye would indulge and have a relaxing cigarette and liquor , before she poured herself back into bed.

After a brief stretch of eternity , Faye reached the kitchen . It was surprising cold , and the metal of the floor stung her feet with numbing frigidness. Yet at Long last Faye opened up the fridge and lo and behold.

A bottle of beer.

Real beer . Real cold , untouched beer. Faye was elated with happiness , if she could have , perhaps a jig would have been in order , but she did not want to risk waking the entire Bebop.

A real beer all for Faye…..

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With Spike

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He couldn't sleep , it had always been normal , but now it was becoming dangerously common . Every night it was the same routine . He couldn't sleep , because Julia haunted his mind. Walking the endless halls of Spike's memory and haunting them with images of her beauty and life in her eyes and her death in Spike's arms.

The arms Spike constantly punished with a blade , the pierced his flesh and drew streams of blood. Spike hated his arms for not holding Julia tight enough as those her soul could have been confined to her body , if only Spike had held on tighter. In every cut and slice on Spike's tanned arm, he saw Julia's name , her images stretched in blood.

It was his fault.

Her life and her death was all weighed on Spike's shoulders. Everything Julia had every risked was his fault : when she left the syndicate , even trying to be with him , and most of all her life.

Spike cringed , just thinking about his immense failure, the blade sunk into Spike's forearm again .

Every night after a nightmare of his angel , Spike would cut. Always on his forearm. Always extra deeper and slow in the meaty part of the flesh , just so he could feel the insatiable burn if agony, just like now. The razor parting his skin and turning the blood lose. Every precious drop of blood had Julia's face in it.

It was like a growing darkness that was slowing consuming him , with every slice in Spike's tanned flesh , he was sinking deeper and deeper into despair.

It was becoming an addiction , for Spike, cutting . He couldn't focus on anything else all he wanted to do was cut , cut deep into his flesh.

Spike's eyes fluttered as a constant flow of blood drained form his arms. His head was beginning to feel light. The wet hair that hung in his eyes didn't help either , his locks were wet form a scorching hot shower and handing down his back and on his chest.

In Spike's mind his body was floating for no reason . He could feel the warn fluid dripping onto the lap of his back sleeping pants but his muscle weren't doing any thing to prevent it.

Spike groaned as his resumed with the blade , slowly picking it up and turning over his already bleeding wrist. He cut again a littler deeper even this time , making sure he could feel all of the pain .

Spike gasped as he stopped , pulling the bloodied blade out his now red fleshy skin, Quietly he put the razor away and pulled himself off the ground , about to go to the kitchen . Spike groaned his he bent down to remove his pants , leaving only his gray boxers. He intended on getting himself piss drunk or at least pour some booze on his arm to cleanse it , so he wouldn't get an infection.

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In the Kitchen

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Faye smoked her cigarette slowly , enjoying it's every health killing atom. her was nothing better in the world than a cigarette and booze all to your self at the early hours of the morning , Faye thought to herself calmly.

Patter Patter Patter Patter 

"Shit!"

Faye cursed quietly as her delicate ears caught the sound of foot steps coming downs the hall , she scrambled to shove the Jack Daniels back into the fridge before Jet could see she sipping on his private stock.

Faye pranced in place for a instant , the footsteps were coming closer and sh needed to hide but she had not where to run . She could go to the living room , but to get there she had to open the overly loud sliding door , a risk she couldn't take . She wanted to dart down the hall , but in the hall is where the footsteps where.

Faye was stuck where she stood , no where to run and no where to hide , but worst of all was her clothing. What it Jet saw her like this with a damn Spice Girl concert t-shirt . She never live it down.

In a panic Faye turned around and starting digging through the glass cabinets , desperate to look like she was actually doing something other than just drinking other people's liquor at 4 in the morning.

" Faye !"

Faye grimaced , the voice wasn't Jet's it was far worst than that it was Spike. Faye wanted to scream , Spike was getting full on ass view action because Faye was turned around. The moment wouldn't have even been half as bad with Jet .

Jet would have just told Faye to get the hell out of the kitchen , he would have been to embarrassed to even think of talking to Faye while she was half naked , not Spike . Oh hell no , not Spike , he would turn the embarrassment to Faye.

" Shit." Muttered Faye as turned around , ready to face Spike with that dumbass smile plastered to his face , instead she thought she had seen a ghost.

Spike normally chiseled body , now look thin and worn out. His gray boxer hung loosely on his waist line. His stomach was still shredded with complex line upon lines of pure muscle , but the muscle look fading. Spike' s normally tanned skin was now almost was pale as Faye's. His hair was wet and hanging on his shoulders like he was a lost man.

Even Spike's eyes were growing darker and more lifeless every day .

" Spike? What the hell happened to you."

Spike blinked at her , eyes instantly hardened in stones.

" What the fuck are you on Faye ? Maybe to much midnight snacking"

Faye was confused , every time she said 7 or less words to Spike , he went all asshole on her.

" Spike , what the fuck is your problem asshole , barely say anything and you go all crazy on me."

Faye looked him up and down.

She stopped at her arms.

Stunned .

There was blood both dried and fresh , all the way from his elbow to his wrist. Blood. And cuts deep bloody cuts with the skin surrounding it swollen and extremely bruised looking. Faye knew those cuts where no accident , they were on purpose. The cuts were deep not deep enough to slit and a artery but definitely to do some damage.

"Spike…"

Her was barely a whisper over the screaming in her head

'**_CUTTER ! CUTTER! Help him ! his going to kill himself .. this is Julia's fault … look at his arm ! She did this to him , she broke him!_**

Spike caught on quickly . Inside he cursed himself for being so fucking careless , now Faye knew. There was no telling what Faye might do with that kind of ammo against Spike. For the first time ever , Spike knew he had to run away from Faye and fast..

Tomorrow she would forget , he hoped.

" What !"

Faye's mouth hung open as her attention was brought back to Spike's face , but not before she saw him bring his arm back behind his back.

" What the fuck are you gawking at or are you just plain old fucking stupid.

The insult was nothing to Faye , and Spike knew it . She was obviously to concerned with Spike's arm.

" Spike , your arm ."

Faye voice was caught in despair.

" There nothing wrong."

" Like hell Spike I know what I saw"

Now was getting angry , Spike was keeping things from her , as he always had but still , this was different.

" No you don't."

With that Spike turned and began walking away but Faye wasn't going to let him go that easily not after what she had just seen and she knew what she had just seen .

Her bolted after him down the hall and hopped in front of him. She back peddled to kept Spike form running her over .

" Spike what are you doing to yourself !"

" Faye its late back off , go back to your room."

Faye stopped him at this

" Hey fuck hole , I am not just bicth you can boss around like Julia. "

The instant the words let Faye's moth her wished she could take them back. Spike's face reddened , his fist balled it was obvisous he was about to hit her.

" Faye move."

"No"

Spike shoved past her and kept walking to his room , but not before his final remark

" I thought cow's only ate during the day any way."

Faye stood stunned and helpless , she knew what Spike was doing. Taking a gamble with his life, a dangerous , high stakes gamble. And Faye knew for a fact , Spike was a terrible gambler.

OKAY I HAVE TO GO BED RIGHT NOW OR ELSE MY DAD WILL KIL ME BUT LOVE YOU ALL AND ENJOY THIS CHAPTER. It's not as well done as I 'd like but I probably revise it a lil , depending on the reviews but yeash I hated leaving yall hanging.


	6. The Hurriance Rages on

Okay , well then , yeah iam back, and here yet another Chappie. Well just warning some of you , Spike is kinda OCC in this but. I think I one point in everyone's life you have a breakdown. So if you don't like it you were warned.

888 with faye8888  
**"We Might As Well Be Strangers"**

Faye attempted to sleep , but with no avail. In the tense darkness of her room , Faye lay curled up in several woven blankets thinking . Now that she knew , there was no way she could simply turn away from Spike ,. It wasn't possible. She couldn't stop thinking about Spike , how fragile he truly was.

I don't know your face no more  
Or feel your touch that I adore  
I don't know your face no more

Yes there was no other man like spike. No man that could even tried to compare , but what she had seen tonight , she had seen Spike fragile. Yet like the man Spike was and always will be , he tried to hide it from Faye. Calling her a cow and picking a fight. It didn't mater though Faye knew her eyes never lied to never her

It's just a place I'm looking for  
We might as well be strangers in another town  
We might as well be living in a different world  
We might as well  
We might as well  
We might as well

In a way she wanted to curse Spike for being weak. That was **her role**. She would whine and nag and then Spike would curse her out and then life was continue back on it's normal track , but no not now

I don't know your thoughts these days  
We're strangers in an empty space  
I don't understand your heart  
It's easier to be apart

Truth be told it scared her shitless that there was chance it was now it was Spike who was weak , Spike who needed Saving. All thanks to the bicth who did this number on him , Julia.

We might as well be strangers in another town  
We might as well be living in a another time  
We might as well  
We might as well  
We might as well be strangers  
Be strangers  
For all I know of you now  
For all I know of you now  
For all I know of you now  
For all I know

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with spike

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Do What You Have To Do 

What ravages of spirit

conjured this temptuous rage

created you a monster

broken by the rules of love

and fate has lead you through it

you do what you have to do

and fate has led you through it

you do what you have to do ...

In a exhausted rage , Spike threw his clothes across the room in a hurricane of fury. He had let Faye , know now there were attachments , complications. His body ache with pain , but Spike did not yield as he punched the metal walls of his room , slitting his knuckles with deep painful gashes. His body strained as Spike threw papers from random books around the room, frustrated that they did not fly farther and then threw them again.

and I have the sense to recognize that

I don't know how to let you go

every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving

trying to escape this desire

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

but I have the sense to recognize

Spike's heart heaved inside his chest , how badly he wanted someone , hell anyone, to know how bad was hurting inside. Spike snaked down to the cold floor on the verge of tears. He was tired of being strong , for once , he wanted someone to rescued him , to save him from the big bad. But deep inside he knew , what he wanted rarely ever happened.

He wasn't okay .

He had show weakness .

And Julia wasn't here with him.

The room around Spike mirrored his soul. A mess of whole things now broken, a dark hole with no light , everything once frailly held in order now destroyed by chaos . Sheets of the bed torn and bloody like Spike's tanned skin. Scattered bottles broken in a million different glass shards like Spike's heart. Everything was mess.

that I don't know how

to let you go

I don't know how

to let you go

All Spike wanted was just for one moment someone too allowed him to be weak. '

Just once. Just this one time to be weak .

Spike clutched his head as he collapsed onto the bed , restraining tears , knowing he did to deserve to cry. Spike knew what he was doing to himself , he was killing himself to the slowest most painful way. Spike thought about just dragging to the blood stained blade across his throat and get it over with .

a glowing ember

burning hot

burning slow

deep within I'm shaken by the violence

of existing for only you

But yet again Faye flooded into his mind. Her soften image , the flowing black hair and those electrical green eyes boring into his.

"Damn you Faye , why do you kept haunting me just like her."

Then Julia's image overrode Faye's. And all the memories of Julia pouring into his mind's eye.

Their two body as one rolling passionately between thin sweat glazed sheets. The way she would smile at him , when he was do something so very stupid and simple like stub his toe and nick himself shaving. Everything about her clouded his mind, covering his pain for a moment , like the hiatus in a hurricane before it rages on. Spike could almost hear her voice calling him , to the afterlife where they could be together.

" Okay Julia , I am coming."

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

and I have sense to recognize but

I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go

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Okay that was it. Hope you enjoyed and drop a review. I'll may take this chapter out for revising . Anyway. HAPPY SPRING BREAK! TWO WHOLE WEEKS OF FREEDOM!1


	7. When it all Falls down

Okay well Iam updating again , and I really like this story a lot , because I draw a lot of themes from the sister story : Fisrt Cut is the Deepest. Well in this chapter Spike and Faye have there first romantic encounter.

Hope you enjoy. \SO FUCKING SORRY THIS CHAPPIE CAME SO LATE.

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Spike washed his ship vigorously , wasting the energy he didn't have, despite the hotness the seemed to encase the bebop . His normally yellow shirt was drenched with the warm mixture of water and sweat. Spike just couldn't risk wearing his normally burgundy top and having Jet notice or even worst another Faye accident.

The day was been stretched with tension between , Himself and Spike. All through breakfast Faye had been looking at him with wide green wondrous eyes, questioning him in thick silence. Even Jet had picked up on it , and question him. But Spike has easily brushed him off without second thought.

"Damnit "

Spike mumbled has thoughts of Faye ransacked through his mind. Her crimson lips , her body blessed with curves in all the right places….

Spike shook his head with disgust , he was betraying Julia, the one he truly love , the one he was truly meant to be with. Julia was his true angel , his true delight , the one thing in his life worth living for, now she was gone and it all entirely and completely Spike's Fault.

Spike felt the hose in his left hand go limp , a sure signal the water pressure was gone , but he did not move to enthrall by the depth of his own thought. The impending choice between loving death with Julia or throbbing passion with Faye.

"Spike?"

In his deep trance Spike had missed Faye creep into the room. Her cat like face beautiful and tainted with a emotion of concern.

"Huh?"

His voice escaped his throat before he could add it's now normal heavy dose of venom. Instead of sounding harsh and surly as he had meant it to be, instead it came out slowly and as though that spoke volume.

Then there was a tiny silence that felt as thought it had lengthened into the heart of forever. Spike's eyes locked with Faye's. Between the two of them there was a silent conflict raging on. Their eyes question each other , wanting explanations for last nights events.

In Faye's eyes lay a quiet concern that was soon turn to a yell.

In Spike's eyes stood a unmistaken look of withdrawal and guilt.

Faye looked at Spike in questioning, he wasn't wearing his normal ' clean the Swordfish ' , no instead he wore his normal outfit minus the jacket, and Faye knew actually why. The cuts, the deep bloody cuts.

She had to help him.

"Spike the hose?"

Faye's voice was clear as a bell in Spike's ears, as he finally noticed that he was standing there like an idiot holding a dead hose. Spike dropped the lifeless tool to the hard metal floor.

Spike noticed his mistake of being civil and instantly let the walls back up again , he gave Faye an icy look that could freeze all of hell over.

"Thanks."

His words were cold.

Faye's eyebrows were furrowed but she took another brave step from where she stood in the only convenient doorway out of the garage.

"Spike, what's happening to you."

She gave him the once over , examining his wet shirt and both arms , his right was hidden discreetly behind his back the other was hidden underneath Spike's blue jacket. He stepped closer to Faye to make his escape.

" Faye move out the doorway."

Faye contained a shudder at how calm his voice was.

"No. Spike Just tell me what's going on ."

On her eyes were watering , she breathed out slowly trying to maintain cool , she couldn't believe this was Spike anymore.

Calm , Collected , The Fighter , in control.

The Spike wasn't here anymore . This new Spike had a death wish so badly , he couldn't wait for it to come to him.

"Faye , Move."

His voice came out from gritted teeth. His eyes studied Faye , the only thing that stood between he and Death , him and his precious blood stained blade.

The only thing standing between him and Julia.

"No , Spike , I won't let you kill yourself."

Spike bristled as he took a threatening step forward , he was almost on top of Faye. Faye could smell his body drenched with sweet sweat and the faint smell of water.

" Faye , just fucking move ."

Faye quivered a how controlled he sounded.

" No , I can't ."

Spike clenched his fist into balls of steel and he felt his jaw lock.

"You are not responsible for me. "

"Who is then Julia ?"

Faye gasped at how quickly Spike reacted to her words. Instead of smacking her clear across the face as Faye had excepted he slammed his body past her , almost knocking her to the ground , but Faye spun and follow knowing she had caught a nerve.

"FUCK OFF FAYE"

Spike stride pickup into a light jog as he powered himself down the Bebop's dark hallways.

"Spike , Why can't you just let her go !"

Faye barked at his bark , as he spun once again on his heel to face her , as though daring her to repeat herself.

Never Dare Faye Valentine.

" Julia , would want you to live , not fuck yourself over for her.! She is GONE ! She is Just a memory! JUST A FUCKING FANASTY THAT YOU HAD OF TRUE LOVE ! WHY DO YOU KEEP FOOLING YOURSELF THAT SHE LOVED YOU! SHE WAS A WHO-"

Faye's mouth had ran away with her as she screamed and preached at Spike with all the volume her lithe little body could muster. Yet Spike wouldn't dare to let her finish as he charged her body and brought her roughly to the ground , his amber eyes burning like the fires of hell in Faye's eyes.

He body was shaking with a fury so great Spike was losing control of himself. His face was beginning to flush with red hot blood and his teeth were bared like venomous fangs .

" JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FAYE ! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE ! I LOVED JULIA AND SHE LOVED ME ! SO FUCKING **WHAT ** IF I CUT MYSELF ! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOVE SOMEONE SO FUCKING MUCH AND YOU CANN'T EVEN BE NEAR THEM! HUH BICTH ! **WHAT THE FUCK** DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE !

Faye shuddered from where she was pinned between the floor and Spike's body. His hands press hers to the ground in a horizontal fashion. She had never seen Spike so enraged with fury. His amber eyes were like infernos in his skull. Everything in Faye commanded her to look away but she was caught like a helpless doe in his gaze. She couldn't be helpless like this so she allowed the anger in her to take hold .

" I KNOW I LOVE YOU SPIKE! BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES THSAT MATTER TO AN ARRAGAONT BASTRAD LIKE YOU ! YOU STUPID **SON OF A BICTH** YOUR SO BUSY CHASING THAT DEAD WHORE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE WHATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! I HATE YOU , I HATE YOU SPIKE , I FUCKING HATE –"

Faye's voice lead off into a whimper. Partly because Spike's gripp had tightened into a pain lock , draining the feeling from her hands and partly because she had told Spike that very deepest feelings to her heart.

Spike's mind was everywhere at once. He wanted to smack Faye across the face for what she had said about Julia. Yet some small part of him wanted so badly to acknowledge she was right and make himself a better man for Faye. Spike's mind was racing and speaking to him in the whispers of 1,000 voices all at voice. And Spike found himself screaming back in reality.

"SHUT UP , SHUT UP , SHUT UP, SHUT UP , SHUT UP ! **SHUT UP!" **

He was cradled in Faye's arms and his fragile arms were clutching her tightly to his chest , like a child protecting his teddy bear. Somewhere in his mind , Spike could hear Faye crying on his shoulder. Somewhere in his mind Spike knew this was so right , here with Faye when it seemed as though he entire universe had come crashing down around like a falling glass. The Spike gripped onto her tighter and screamed as loud as his voice would allow , letting out all the inner pain he had ever known. Spike was still in a trance when Faye pulled back from his embrace to look in into his blurry eyes. Her soft hands were gently entangled in his hair , caressing like scalp.

" Let me Help you."

Spike didn't respond for in Faye he searching desperately for Julia , trying so hard to find the woman he loved , his face was lifeless and his eyes barely glowing with life. He bowed his face away from Faye's eyes and realized he was never be able to be with Faye without trying to find Julia . Faye didn't deserve that.

No one deserved that.

So Spike concluded he had to die.

"No."

With that the enigma of Spike Spiegel got up and left Faye cold and weeping in the dark halls of Bebop.

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I KNOW THAT ENDING IS REALLY CLIFFY ANFD ALL THAT JAZZ BUT I HAVE TO GO SCHOOL NOW SO MUCH LOVE BYE BYE , AND PUTN IN A REVIEW.

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	8. The Shooting Star

Okay this Chappie will be shorter , but at least I updated faster right ? Anyway, I dig this story and all but it's hard getting the chemistry between Spike and Faye without making it seem totally corny.

Has anyone read the Annette Curtis Klause Books : Blood and Chocolate. If you into the whole werewolves / vampire stuff her books will blow you away!1

Anyway , I got my song choices for this Chappie and all so , as always forgive the grammar and enjoy !

Ps. I think the song choice for part two is sooo fucking perfect.

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**"Waiting On An Angel" by Ben Harper**

_Waiting on an angel.  
One to carry me home.  
Hope you come to see me soon, cause I don't want to go alone,  
I don't want to go alone. _

The last ember was burning down painfully slow , it's last bit of brilliant light burning the last straw of tobacco in Spike's cigarette . The little ember then began to grow dimmer and dimmer out it simply faded away into nothing , leaving only a thin trail of smoke to mourn it's passing.

_Now angel won't you come by me.  
Angel hear my plea.  
Take my hand, lift me up so that I can fly with thee,  
so that I can fly with thee._

Spike Spiegel stared blankly out into open space , looking at all the stars , musing about what old Sitting Bull had once told him about the stars.

_Everyone person has a star._

Every since he had wondered about Julia's star. He constantly looked for it knowing he was never be able to tell if he saw it. , Spike had learned in twelfth grade science that the light humans saw from the stars was a old light. That a star could die yet because light travels slowly we could be seeing the light of a dead star.

_And I'm waiting on an angel.  
And I know it won't be long to find myself a resting place in my angel's arms,  
in my angel's arms._

That always made Spike think. Because his star was already burnt out and the light it made was just some feeble attempt to be alive.

_So speak kind to a stranger, cause you'll never know, it just might be an angel come,  
Oh- knockin' at your door, Oh- knockin' at your door._

He thought about Julia's star and always came to the conclusion that she was a shooting star. She was a glimpse of the perfect ness that could never last so it kept shooting , farther and farther in the distance . It was only there for a instant but for that instant it's beauty light up the world.

_And I'm waiting on an angel.  
And I know it won't be long to find myself a resting place in my angel's arms,  
Oh- in my angel's arms._

Spike had made Julia's image such a masterpiece that he failed to see the flaws on the canvas. Shooting Stars like Julia , were little balls of destruction that stretched across the universe until it crashed.

" My shooting star , where are you now ?"

Spike whispered to himself helplessly as he continued to look out in the nothingness that was the endless galaxy , looking and waiting for a shooting star to come his way.

_Waiting on an angel.  
One to carry me home.  
Hope you come to see me soon, cause I don't want to go alone,  
I don't want to go alone,  
don't want to go,  
I don't want to go alone._

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With Faye.

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Cold Cold Heart by Norah Jones.

_I've tried so hard my dear to show  
That you're my every dream  
Yet you're afraid each thing I do  
Is just some evil scheme_

Faye with silently in the living room , chaining smoking , having already gone through nine cigarette. And of Course one name drifted absently through her mind.

Spike.

_A memory from your lonesome past  
Keeps us so far apart  
Why can't I free your doubtful mind  
And melt your cold cold heart_

The Other day had been so fucking surreal for her , it didn't even seem as though it would have been possible , Spike Spiegel had been in Faye's arms , clutching to her as though if he had let go see would slip away.

_Another love before my time  
Made your heart sad an' blue  
And so my heart is paying now  
For things I didn't do_

She had never seen Spike like that. But deep in her heart she had known that kind of display of vulnerability was in Spike. After all he had lost so much. From what Faye knew of Spike , although she had never asked , he didn't have the happiest childhood in the world. Then He became the syndicate leader , there any connect he might have made was to weighted down by blood to last.

Like Julia and Viscous.

_In anger unkind words are said  
That make the teardrops start  
Why can't I free your doubtful mind  
And melt your cold cold heart_

Spike and Vicious had been friends yet their bond was ripped to shreds by the syndicate and Julia. Julia had been stolen from Spike's life by the syndicate and for Spike to survive himself he had to give up everything he had ever known. Only to drift space as a bounty hunter , picking up the pieces of his shady past.

_There was a time when I believed  
That you belonged to me  
But now I know your heart is shackled  
To a memory_

Now Faye was witnessing the Strong , and overly arrogant Spike break down. Every passing day , Faye could tell that was slipping and slipping. She wanted to helped , as she had made progress. She had let Spike Know she knew.

But was that enough, to save him ?

The Things he had said to her , made her think long and hard. He was spoken of not being able to be close to someone who you loved. How Ironic. If anyone knew the emotion of feeling miles apart yet inches away from someone it was Faye. Faye knew firsthand what that felt like. She longed to reach out and kiss Spike and take all his pain away but she knew damn well that Julia , kept Spike form the rest of the world.

Julia was an island that Spike was shackled too. But Faye silently made a promise to save him

Even though Spike rejected her time after time , Poker Alice had only one more card to play.

_The more I learn to care for you  
The more we drift apart  
Why can't I free your doubtful mind  
And melt your cold cold heart_

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Holy fuck , I think this chapter is a disgrace . PLEASE REVIEW !

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	9. The Guardian Angel

Yeah ! I am so fucking proud of myself I updated a story on the brink of finals ! Hell yeah so me. Omg you guys will never believe , what's happening to me. Like two week ago I was playing basketball and I fell on my knee and now I have a serious strain on my LCL ( tendon in your leg lets you bend you calf sideways.) So now I am in a stupid brace and I have to where it for 4 weeks ( 3 more) but that includes my B-DAY ! so that blows a mother. And this Friday night is my grad night at Magic Mountain! That sucks a mother ! and the leg brace is like from my ankle to like my entire thigh! What rides will I be able to go to !

Will I get a handicap pass ! damn I hate this ! I might just risk a fucked up leg for the rest of my life and take it off at MM , but that's stupid isn't it. BUT I MEAN COME ON PEPPS I ONLY GET 1 GRAD NIGHT FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL ! HELP ME ! GIVE ADVICE AND REVIEWS !11

**8 crying 8**

**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!**

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Hey my baby  
Why you lookin' so down?  
Seems like you need lovin'  
Baby you need a girl like me around  
Hey my baby  
Tell me why you cry  
Here take my hand and wipe those tears from your eyes

Faye stood in the Bebop showering lathering up her hand with shampoo for her hair. After all the shit that was going down on the Bebop she juts need some Faye-tine. Just fifteen minutes or so to clear out her head. She hadn't even bothered to get fully undressed. Her dark purple silk bra became glued to her skin and her boy cut panties were soon drenched. Faye absentmindedly ripped off her hair band and was oddly comforted by it's smacking sound against the ground.

Thing were getting heavy.

Faye bowed her head underneath the flowing water , thoroughly enjoy the sound of water fall on the floor that shattering into a million watery sparkles beneath her toes. Faye leaned into the water and support her weight her hands , spread in front of her on the wall.

Thing were getting cloudy

After a short while began scrubbing her hair , softly after first , enjoying the feeling of the shampoo flooding across her hair , drowning it with it's familiar cinnamon vanilla smell. It felt good to have the familiar scent washed into her brash and fogging away every other thought. Her damn shampoo was the only thing familiar now-a-days. That was the burning ray of light through the flood. The light landing heavily on the thoughts of Spike that were constantly in Faye's minds.

Can i: talk to you? comfort you? let you know? ... I care 4 u  
Can i: talk to you? comfort you? let you know? ... I care 4 u

She groaned and began scrubbing harder , a frantic look slowly but surely creping it's way onto Faye's wet face. The harder her washed her hair the more she thought of Spike , was though she were engraining him , into her brain. Even with her eyes locked behind veils of porcelain skin , a haunting image of a bleeding Spike daggered it 's way though.

Hey sexy baby  
Why'd your girl leave you in pain?  
To let a fine man like you go, she must be insane  
Hey sexy baby  
There's no need to worry, no  
Oh, boy if you call on me  
I'll come, I'll come in a hurry

She groaned again , yet a whimper clung to the edge of her voice. The battle raged on inside Faye , despite the clam of appearance of the woman vigorously washing her hair. Faye scrubbed and scrubbing , perhaps somehow trying to fool herself into believing she could help Spike.

Can i: talk to you? comfort you? let you know? ... I care 4 u  
Can i: talk to you? comfort you? let you know? ... I care 4 u

Then she stoop , a sudden epiphany hitting her with all the weight in the world.

Faye Valentine sank to the bottom of the shower floor and tucked her arms to her chest , eyes now wide open , not caring if the shampoo ran down her face and stinging her eyes with violent aggress , she didn't care. She mind's eyes was watching Spike . Knowing with every certainty that he was in his room , cutting , deeper and deeper into his flesh running into death's arms .

The water had finally rinsed Faye's hair clean of any traces of soap when she rose from her spot on the floor. Faye body glistened with all the wet splendor of an guardian angel , about to rescue her charge. Yet for Faye , Spike wasn't a charge , he was a gift.

Hold on (hold on)  
Stay strong (stay strong)  
Press on (for me baby)  
I care 4 u (I care 4 u)  
Hold on (hold on)  
Stay strong (stay strong)  
Press on (for me baby)  
I care 4 u...

With three solid and long step Faye stepped out of the tub , wipe the hair out of her hair , slipped into a terry cloth robe and charged down the hall. Being the guardian Angel , she had become.

Can i: talk to you? comfort you? let you know? ... I care 4 u  
Can i: talk to you? comfort you? let you know? ... I care 4 u

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DID YOU LIKELY ? I thought this Chappie was nice , with the imagery of Faye and every but. Yeah , don't forgot to give advice please and review ! much love love lov love and wish me luck during finals.


	10. Bleed For Me

Okay Party Poepl , Iam updating , I know this may not be the greates update ever but it's a update right ? and guess who's birthday is tommoroww ! MIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! Yeah I am 14 tomorrow ! Anyway I hiope you enjoy the stories . KISSES MAKE MY B-BAY FABULOUS AND DROP A REVIEW !

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0XXX0X0X0X00X0X0X0X0

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Faye's long elegant legs pounded the hard metal Bebop floor as she compelled legs to run , ever faster in the seemingly endless halls of Bebop. Her robe was a faint memories flying out behind her as Faye's arm pumped and push her sleek body into still more speed.

She had only one goal. Only one care in the world. Only one purpose that her every breath of air was devoted to , Saving Spike. The world had seemed a daze every sense she had bolted out of the bathroom , some how , someway reborn into Spike's guardian angel. It was as though Faye had become interconnected to Spike . It was as though Spike were charging for some great precipice trying with all his might to jump to his death and Faye as all that stood between him and his goal.

Finally Faye reached Spike's bedroom Door , even from outside she could smell the stale blood that had been already shed. Faye hair was slapped against her face , limiting her vision further , for she was already blinded by the unknown tears that had streaked her face.

With a grown and whimper Faye threw back the large sliding door .

Shock.

Utter and complete shock were the only words Faye could remotely think of as she gazed into Spike's quarter.

The cramped shape was a reck. Paper was thrown everyway , clothes lay in disarray in the most random spots, Posters of Bruce Lee were thrown about and rested in a deranged mosaic on the floor among the debris. The cedar chest that Spike had once prized was tossed over on it's side , even Spike's cot was dirty with booze stains and blooded sheets. Bottles and shards of glass were everywhere , a strange variety of liquor bottles were hidden like land bombs in this battlefield that was Spike's room. Yet most shocking of all was a shirtless Spike laid like a fallen soldier , blood seeping quietly from his forearms , and his half way closed eyes dulled and still fading, his faintly muscled chest rose and fell with no life but simply practice rhythm. He lay silently on the filthy cot

Spike had cut his wrists but instead of simply allowing the sweet darkness the sealed the doors of life shut , Spike wanted to wait for death. Waiting for his nonexistent angel Julia to fly him away. All traces of blood in Faye's face were gone despite the fact she had just ran to Spike's room.

She panicked and surged forward not even feeling the broken glass cut into her feet , trying to ban her from saving Spike. Faye threw herself crossed they room , jumping over the shattered debris , until she finally reached Spike , collapsing by his side. The stench of blood was unbearable , Faye gagged as she saw the true hideousness of the latest gashes Spike had endowed himself with. They traveled from his palm and made a bloody trail all the way up to the crook of his elbow. Blood was rapidly draining from the wounds as Spike's breath lessened even more.

" Spike ?"

Faye managed to speak in a mortified whimper as her right hand found it's way to Spike face touching the surprisingly soft flesh and her left to his nearest wrist trying to stop the bleeding yet hopelessly smearing the blood even more so on his body.

" Spike ! Please ?"

The tears had stared to flow from Faye's eyes blurring her vision of Spike limp body. She looked around the room helplessly wanting to call out for help but knowing Jet was off catching a bounty head and Ed had gone with him. So there Faye was cradling Spike in her arms at the mouth of death herself waiting for help that would come far to late.

Faye screamed.

She screamed for her bottomless ocean of pity , hatred and wanting that she was drowning in , that she was drowning in and no one would help her. Faye screamed because she pitied her own useless body that could nothing for Spike but hold his body when he needed help. She screamed for her hatred of the world , how it could abuse one so beautiful as Spike to make him what had was now. But she screamed mostly for wanting to change that world that had so badly beaten the life out of Spike , she wanted to change herself for Spike , to see him happy and alive. Alive

" Spike , please wake up …."

Faye lowered her head into Spike mess of hair and wept , wept for all she was worth .

In some far off place , far beyond the steel wall of the Bebop , Spike could hear Faye. He could hear her weeping for him , feel her wet body holding him , trying to stop his bleeding. Somewhere between life and death , Spike was watching all of this happen. He could see Faye's grief stricken face and her tears leaked into his hair. From some far off place , Spike wanted to return to Faye , in some far off place a tiny piece of Spike was realizing that Faye was alive and Julia was dead. That Faye could love him freely as Julia had not been able too.

In some far away place.

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okay THAT WAS IT ! YOU LIKELY ! LEAVE A REVIEW AND A HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISH ES! THANKS

By the way

IT'''''SSSSSSSSSSSSSS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR

HHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


	11. In That Far Off Place

Okay sexy people

This chapter is mostly about what happen to Spike while Miss Faye was having her little 'shower epiphany

IT RUNNS A PARRELL TO THE LAST CHAPTER ! ONLY LIKE THE LAST FRILLING LINE IS NOT A PARRELL IT'S THE PONIT WHERE FAYE AND SPIKE'S TIMELINES MEET AND RUN AS ONE ! GET IT ?

GOOOD!

NOW READ AND ENJOY.

The song it about Spike's emotional place in the story. I changed like 1 word from confused to who's doomed

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**"Breaking The Habit"**

_Chorus:_  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
to show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight

Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again

Spike's breathing was a disaster. He was wheezing and coughing with every swing his arms took. Chaining Smoking had finally caught up with him , he thought raggedly as he slugged the metal wall over his bed again for the 8th time. Blood leaked from Spike knuckles and trickled down to mix with the blood from his shattered nail beds. Spike was just beginning to put the finishing touches on what used to be like temple , the body that he had slaved over for hours , training his muscles in perfection.

All to now destroy

_Bridge:_  
I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one who's doomed

The room was rank with whiskey and blood , but over all scents the stench of death. It hung in the staled air like a vulture waiting for a dying animal to finally give out.

But Spike didn't want to give out.

He wanted death to beat the last strands of life out of him. Spike wanted death to come to him with it's fangs and claws bared poised to slaughter him into shreds.

" I am coming Julia. "

Spike whispered in the air , as thought Julia would reply when his only company was death.

Hanging in the air

Watching from Above

Death was Spike's only companion.

'One last time' he murmured as he pulled out his straight Razor from under the surrounding debris. Spike staggered drunkenly to his feet to place he in the middle of the room , taking in what used to be a home for the very last .

The razor was dulled and rusty looking , tainted heavily with Spike's blood. As it finally cut into Spike's skin deeper than ever.

_Chorus:_  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight

" Oh God…"

Spike faintly heard the hiss of his own voice through a new heavy cloudiness that was invading his thoughts. Spike barely noticed he was dragging the razor up the length of his forearms slashing through beaten flesh and letting loose a fountain of blood. Spike barely noticed how he repeated the routine on his other arms . Spike barely recognized the feeling of his body crumbling underneath him and slapping against the floor.

Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again

Breaths where now coming in shallow rapid pools for Spike. Air was coming in and leaving his body so far it left Spike dizzy and begging for more. His body was protesting against him. Forsaking the fog and stillness that death offered now so opening , his body was ushering in air commanding his every muscle to fight.

_Bridge:_  
I dont want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one who's doomed

Spike had to stop this rebellion , his body was being ravaged with a pain so furious Spike knew it had to be Death finally come to release him of life. But Spike managed to clutch the razor , nonetheless . With one whole hearted effort Spike slashed . The blow hit his right wrist .

_Chorus:_  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight

The world went Black for a instant. Spike gasped and arched his back to it's fullest. Pain shattered every border Spike had every placed in his entire mind. His breathing slowed almost to a halt and Spike's body became a lifeless pile on the ground. Finally after all Spike's battles it had come to this , inside his room with a razor , alone after it all

Alone.

_Bridge:_  
I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends

The Door flung open.

But Spike was to far gone to even care or notice. The abyss that was death's first act was upon Spike. Only moments ago it had hurt , now Spike felt nothing , now Spike heard nothing , there was only the thick veil of comfort and coolness. Spike was in a far away place , like a waiting room where he was sure Julia would meet him and then it'd be happily ever after.

Yet there was something tugging at his heart , it sounded like a plea. Spike tried to push it away and dived even farther into the darkness but it tugged more like a leash. Even in his far away place Spike couldn't ignore the warmth of another's body against his. Spike didn't want to know who only how to make them go away. But their voice pleaded him and begged him . They wanted him to wake up.

Wake Up ?

Wake up to what. A broken world that had deceived him , a world that had broken his spirited more than once. A world that hated him , a world absent of love or mercy .

Except her mercy.

Except her love.

_Chorus:_  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
to show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight

Spike had never taken the time to look. To see what was in front of his eyes. Faye. Faye had never deceived or emotionally pushed him beyond what her motives called for. She was the face Spike woke to when he was harmed. Faye had been there. Julia was lie and broken Spike countless time with her lied to forsake Vicious and love him. Beyond Spike's blindness there was love. There was love that was waiting . Yet Spike had nearly kept himself handicapped and ran into the arms of his murder , both in life now in death.

Now in that Far off Place Spike was fighting and wanting to call out ,to call out that one name he now knew was true.

"Faye."

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I hate this Chappie. But I like a lot of the lines and I out in.

Yeah , well I am going to San Francisco tomorrow from this two week art program , it should be a helluva a lot fun. Yeah anyway I don't know when I 'll update again so gimme lots of Review and I'll HURRY !

My B-day was really cool , I got an I-Pod I fucking LOVE that thing !

But about tomorrow. I am nervous about getting on the plane , I know I've been flying all my life and everything but , I am still a lil nervous , don't know why though. Maybe it's just PMS.

Anyway…

Chou !


	12. When you really love somebody

Hey yell are going to fucking hate me after you read this chapter. It's so freaking cliffy it's not even funny. Sorry about that.

But the next chappie should be longer.

You know it's werid I excepted this summer to be able to write as much as I wanted but I am not friggin busy. Like today with had the art gallery for my art camp.

Next week I get a break and just get to enjoy the summer but the week after that I am going to Fat camp for 2 weeks.

But on Saturday iam flying back to South Cali. But seriously I hate flying so just put in a prayer for me okay. I religious like that.

Kisses enjoy.

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Faye body shudder with a forcing she had succumb to the moment she saw Spike's lifeless body in a crumpled pile on the ground. So there she sat , in her soaking wet lingerie cradling Spike helplessly in her arm with her silk robe wrapped around on of his servely damaged arms. His body was lighter than she had ever excepted it to be. It had to be unhealthy for Spike to weigh to little. Faye brief came to the conclusion that Spike weigh was for the blood loss.Her thighs were streaked with blood from where she had laid Spike's body on her lap.

Faye was in a battle ground. The debris the was Spike's rooms surrounding her like little demons to taunt her lost of the only man who had ever become this precious to her. Faye moaned as she clung onto Spike's cooling body. She had decided there was nothing she could do to save him anymore .

" Please don't do this to me . Please come back , don't leave. JUST OPEN YOUR EYES !"

Faye pleaded as she screamed into Spike's matt of wild hair. Finally Faye lowered her head into the space between Spike's shoulder and neck and hugged his body to her chest and begged. Faye begged for Spike to return , for him to simply open his eyes , she had convinced herself , the mere fleet of him opening his eyes would correct all the wrongs of the world.

This couldn't be happening , it couldn't be real Spike was going to wake up any second now and just say her name , just open up his beautiful eyes and say

" Faye."

It was a breath that wasn't even a whisper , but it was enough for Faye to hear it. Her watery and wore eyes snapped open to behold Spike's russet eyes , although dull and barely open to the point where his eyelashes touched , open. Faye bit into her lower lip to keep it from quivering as she looked on at Spike's face. His normally tanned skin was abnormally pale and sticky with sweat and Faye's tears. His brow's were knitted together in agony , he was finally feeling the angst he had dragged his body through. Even in the darkest light Spike's room offer Faye could see that he was fighting the pull of death that he had once called to him.

" Faye."

With some source of impossible energy Spike raised his bloody hand to Faye's face and managed something the was meant to be a smile. Faye's bottom lip was beyond help as it tremble uncontrollably , tears poured without relent from Faye's eyes as Spike's hand dropped from her face and onto his stomach with a slap of wet flesh . Spike's face drooped back into Faye's hand as he passed in the abyss of a black out.

Faye whimpered as she struggled to hold back a fresh wave of panic as Spike limp in her arms.

" Spike?"

only silence.

" Spike!"

nothing

Faye looked around hopeless as though but searching Spike's room with her room she would find an answer. Finally it came to her , Jet always kept a medical supplies box underneath the kitchen sink, but that was so far away , all the way on the other side of the ship. Faye wasn't sure Spike could hold out for the time it would take her to retrieve the medical box. But she had to try.

Faye looked down at Spike's ghastly face and knew with all her face , she HAD to try ,.

Try for Spike.

" Please hold on , I 'll be right back"

Without thinking about it Faye planted a kiss on Spike's forehead and took off running down the Bebop halls.

Faye run as though death nipped at her heels and not Spike's , she breath was labored but she couldn't care less , she body was shivering and cold from the water of her shower and the soaking nature of the underwear but Faye didn't care. There was only one thought , one goal that was on Faye's mind.

The medical kit.

Faye ran through the weak light of the Bebop halls and almost missed the sliding kitchen as she slide to a rough stop. Faye threw the door back with more force than she knew was necessary , in a half of an instant Faye was on her knee throwing the objects out from under the sink.

" Damnit."

Faye Gritted her teeth as she tossed a bottle of dish liquid to the ground. Faye continued her search but with little success soon the kitchen room was littered by Faye urgent searching. Then at the very back of the cabinet Faye found the object of her hysterical. Although it was small it was the medical kit , Jet and Faye had using many times to patch Spike up , perhaps it would serve them well once more. Without even thinking Faye blindly snatched the med. Kit and bolted away down the hall rushing back to Spike .

Faye's love was for Spike was enough to save the free world , but it's power to save Spike was now put to the test as Faye's lithe figure sprinted the way back to Spike ignoring the throbbing the ripped through her feet. Finally she arrive at her destination. Spike's room was irate with the pungent rank smell of death that hampered the air making it impossible to breath for Faye.

" Oh God."

Spike's condition was worst than Faye remembered his pale was now beyond any shade of paleness Faye had ever seen. The flesh the covered the once beautiful muscle of Spike's arms was now thin and fragile looking , allow all who gazed to see Spike's slashed muscles and broken tendons.

Faye stumbled ford covering her mouth to keep the bile in , as she crept forward to knee before Spike's body. In the back of her mind Faye feared the worst , that she was too late , that Julia had won and that Spike had finally pasted into the darkness that he had surrounded himself with. Faye entire body shook without mercy as she extended trembling fingers as she slowly reached out to check Spike's pulse.

" Please."

It was barely a whisper as Faye's heated flesh connected with Spike's ice cold body. Faye bit down hard on her lip trying with little success to keep her whimpers and cries at bay. New burning tears poured from Faye's eyes as she felt of a pulse.

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Will Spike die , or will he live happily ever after with Faye.

Lol , I told yall th ending was cliffy.

Please review and by the way I was thinking about the Bebop nationalities and everything.

Me and friend Sarah where talking about it and here's what we came up with.

Spike Italian ( we think his Jewish)

Faye Half White Half Chinese

Jet American

Ed Who honest to God knows….

PS: remember to put a prayer for me please. XOXOXOXOX


	13. Author's Note : Anime Expo

Hey people , this is just a little authors note.

OKAY! TODAY IS ANIME EXPO ! I am going to be there! I am be wearing a blue semi long sleeved shirt and blue jeans. I have long black hair and I wear glasses. Beside look are BIG BOOBS. That's probably me. LOL , anyway feel free to come up and say hey.

But please don't but like a stalker.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

SEE YA THERE!

Jadedghostgurl.

( and if you think it's me just yelled Jadedghostugrl..lmao…. peace homies.


	14. Like a promise unspoken

Hello Children!

Whats up ? I just got Back fromn Fat Camp and it was awesome ! I actually met people who write and read FANFICTION! HANNAH AND DIANE ----- I LOVE YOU !

I MISS YOU GUYS LIKE NO OTHER !

THIS CHAPPIE IS FOR YOU GUYS AT FAT CAMP !

Lol , and I came up with some great new ideas for this story and others . Well as of this instant I am on a plane to North Carolina. Yeah but anyway. This chapter is about what happens after Spike sucide attempt and this chapter is set in a hospital. So yeah… Oh and the first part is in Spike's POV and the everything else is in the 3rd person.

READ AND REVIEW YALL.

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Clear!

It was voice from some place that seemed far and away. Their were loud voices shouting for IV'S and type A blood. Everything looked numb , felt numb . Even my own body. My wrists weren't burning anymore. The pain had vanished. I felt surprisingly calm , calmer than I could ever remember feeling in a long time. I could see blurred faces around me – where the hell was I ? The faces were calling my name , but it sounds like they were speaking underwater.

I could hardly understand what they were saying , screaming for me to stay awake , not to close my eyes. Why not ? Everything felt calm for me , despite the nagging feeling the back of me head that something was very wrong with my body. I would have lifted my head to check , but my skull felt like a piece of lead.

Then I heard her voice , or better said her screaming . It was like hearing a gunshot in church. She sounded frantic and afraid. She was bellowing my name and crying all at once. I had seen Faye unraveled a few times but never like this. I strained my neck to see her but my body betrayed me laying still. Just barely out of the corner of my eyes , I could see her. Hysterically crying out for me, Jet's huge arms were around her waist line . His face was turned away as though he couldn't bare what was happening. More than anything I wanted to rush over to Faye . But the numbness was so overpowering, like I was glued the table.

I tried to call out to Jet and Faye but all that resulted was a weak prattling sound. I was tired , so heavy and tire. It was easy to fall asleep , like the entire world was slipping by the way side as my vision blacked out slowly but surely. Until all that faintly remained was Faye's strained voice.

" SPIKE !"

" Charge the paddles ! Get the adrenaline shot already!"

" Oh God ! Spike ! NO!"

" CLEAR!"

it all went black.

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It seemed wrong. The restraints that held Spike to his hospital bed seemed wrong. Faye knew when Spike came too there would be hell to play. To have a creature of Spike 's perfection confined was wrong.

Faye looked at him from her chair. Even when he was relaxed his muscles were bulged , she admired his strength. Or at least she had. The beauty of Spike's muscles was defaced by the white bandages tightly wrapped around entire forearm , complete with a IV dripping life preserving fluids and blood in his body. His skin was pale by his closest brush with death.

He had died.

Faye remember the moments the medics had arrive at the Bebop. She knew Spike had died. It had taken two adrenaline shots just to get a weak pulse on the ride to the hospital. Then again right as Spike was being rushed to surgery his hearts quit again. That's when Faye had lost it. On the ride to the Venus Medical Center , Faye had maintained some level of composure , watching as the medicals frantically worked over Spike's body in absolute horror. But when Spike's breathing stopped in the hospital, Faye had lost all sense of remote reason.

Thank God Jet had been there otherwise only heaven knows the lengths Faye might have gone to. When Faye saw Spike's limp figure on the rolling table she flew into a fit of frantic screams and efforts to reach Spike. Jet's arms where the only thing that had kept Faye from running to his side.

She sighed aloud.

It had been a day since then and Spike still lay in a fitful sleep in room 2196 of the Intensive Care Unit. Faye spent the entire day at his side after she had had sense often to have Jet bring her , the yellow outfit her always wore instead of a oversized t-shirt and wet lingerie. Faye hadn't really had time to get all dressed up while Spike was dying on the Bebop , so she had simply grabbed Spike's red top , he used to wear while cleaning his Swordfish.

Faye winced at the memory. That was a time when Spike was okay. Or at least okay in Spike standards. Faye kept reviewing in her mind what had gone wrong. But in her deepest heart of hearts she knew that was nothing she could have done differently. Now it was up to Spike. Jet had told her that before he left. At first he was sorry for Spike and then that sorrow turned to anger. In the Beginning of his rage Faye couldn't understand but now she did. Jet cared for Spike just as much as she did but he had accepted the fact that Spike was beyond anyone's help but his own now.

Spike life was in Spike's owns hand. Yet it was fragile like a piece of fine glass and if Spike choose to shatter that glass it was his own damn fault . That's why Jet had left so many hours ago . Leaving Faye with only a few thousand woolongs for a mediocore hotel and a few words of wisdom. He had warned her that if something did happen to Spike it wasn't her fault that a man life's ( espieacally a man like Spike) could not be controlled and guided, only watched.

But it didn't make sense to Faye. She looked down at her lap when her hands where clenched together and saw large balls of waters falling and breaking on her skin and realized she was crying.

" Why are you even Faye? This is stupid."

Faye's voice cracked talking when no one else was listening.

Or so she thought.

Slowly she rose off of the ugly wooden chair and threw on her brown leather jackets that was lined with whit wool. Taking in a deep breath she brushed imaginary hair off her forehead in spite of her hair band.

Looking around the room once more she observed. Spike lay asleep in the hospital bed The white tile floors was spotless as well the light blue ceiling. The room was cold and empty save the soulless machine that constant humming with their working to monitor Spike's every muscle action. After the first five minutes every bone in Faye's body screamed to leave . Yet she stayed for Spike. Unable to leave his side even for the smallest fraction of time.

Approaching the door , Faye casted one last glance over the room , preparing to say goodbye for the day. Then a pair of barely opened yet immensely sad eyes trapped her.

Spike.

Even with the oxygen mask he was still haunting and beautiful. Like some kind of jaded angel the kept on falling from heaven over and over again. His like deep wells of sorrow and pain Faye felt herself falling into , like she would die if she never saw them again. Yet their intensity would smolder her if she dared to hold that gaze.

" Don't leave.."

Faye gasped most silently as he spoke. That alone she knew was a strain. His voice was hoarse and Faye could tell he was to weak to spare many words. With some hesitation Faye approach Spike's bedside and pulled a chair with her. Slowly as though her body was suddenly her true age , Faye sat down and sighed.

She could feel Spike's gaze upon her, and choose not meet it but continued to look forward.

" I not sure if I can stay Spike."

Her voice was low but she knew Spike had heard her. With a grunt Spike tried to lift his arm only to find he was tied down. Faye looked at his face if see his profile staring at the ceiling looking tried and wore out.

"please."

It was barely even a whisper but Faye caught it . Then for a reason she would never know she reached out and took Spike's hand. And watching as he visibly relaxing knowing her action was a silent promise that her would not leave him again. Like words that were never spoken , Faye also knew what she had just given.

Faye watching quietly as Spike slipped back into his slumber before she slipped out of the door and out of the life of Spike Spiegel

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MAAAAAWAAAHA HAAAAA HAAAA

YES! I have done it again with the biggest cliffy of all fuckin time. OMG! It's good to be back in action!NOW REVIEW DAMNIT !

Is Faye really gone

What will Spike-O do

Will he truly let his second chance as love slip away that easily ?

All next time on WHEN IT ALL FALLS DOWN. Part 15


	15. Withdraw from an Angel

Hey kids , yall better be grateful because this is the fastest update I think I 've ever made , SO GIVE ME A REALLY NICE REVIEW.

I am using a Sarah McL. Song : Stupid , but I warn you that I did change like four words. Anyway. Read and review. LOVE LOVE

HANNAH ! call mee I missss you !

PS: this chapter is heavyily focus on Spike and how he copes a week after Faye's leaving . I really love how I wrote this and I feel it has a lot of emotion strength. '

REVIEW AND TELL ME YESS OR NO.

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The next week were a living hell for Spike. After the night his initial admittance to the hospital, he awoke in a stale and lonely room , without Faye at his side. The need to cut himself was unstoppable.

Each day with Faye was a vicious assault on Spike's fragile heart, each one harder and more relentless than the previous. It drove Spike mad to wake each day and not see Faye , her absence drove Spike to the very edges of his sanity. He fought sleep knowing he would wake to a empty room.

_Night lift up the shades_

_let in the brilliant light of morning_

_but steady there now_

_for I am weak and starving for mercy_

_sleep has left me alone_

_to carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong_

_it's all I can do to hang on_

_to keep me from falling_

_into old familiar shoes_

For the first few days Spike's anger held. He built his rage on the ignorance of trying to fool himself into not knowing why she fled. It was easier to be outraged. He could throw a tantrum until his lungs heaved for breath and his shredded arms burned with agony from their battle with the leather restraints

He screamed of when no could hear , cursed the nurses as they changed his bandages . But his words , his pleads fell on deaf ears. As much as Spike prided himself a lone wolf , it was a cold revelation to realize his feeling were reduced to a lunatic's prattle with the nurses.

Yet the harder he tried make them understand , the less they listened and the more drugs they pumped into to keep him compliant . When their affect wore off Spike was once again left alone with his need to cut.

His addiction had transformed him into a beast , with one driving need ; cut and cut until himself bleed himself in a abyss. Spike took Faye leaving as a sign.

_how stupid could I be_

_a simpleton could see_

_that you're so good for me_

_but the ghost is the only one I see_

Spike had managed to drive away the one woman who might have ever truly cared for him. And it as all his own fault.

Day after day he hated himself for his coldness to her , for the way he had driven the lengths of Faye's love to the very end of a cliff where even the small breath of wind could blow her away. And at the final moment he had taunted Faye , asked her to stay with him, when all Spike had ever done for Faye was run away when she needed him most.

Spike had turned his back on Faye that day when the great well of despair had taken him. Now Faye walked away from him as he was about to surface.

Yet Spike could not blame her , not for his life. How could he ask Faye to stand by his side ? When he was like a sickness spreading to all things around him.

Each night , when Spike was alone he would dream of Faye. Her image always soft and fleeting but vivid. He could feel her touch dance on his wound healing him. Making him whole again. He could hear her voice whispering her devotion to him swearing to always be at his sides. In his mind they were always safe , their bodies curled together one , the world slipping by the wayside. He could see her smile again , bright and glowing like the sun after a hard rain. Then the dream was gone and Spike was abandoned in his harsh reality . He was once again alone , confined to a narrow bed , in a vast pale room with cameras in every corner constantly watching. The leather straps robbed Spike of all movement was he couldn't even bury his face in pillow to try and drown out his guilt.

love has made me a fool

it set me on fire and watched as I floundered

unable to speak

except to cry out and wait for your answer

but you come around in your time

speaking of fabulous places

create an oasis

dries up as soon as you're gone

you leave me here burning

in this desert without you

The guilt that he was the one who had taken Faye's smile away from her. The guilt that he was the one who'd ruined the chance of their union. It was all his fault and their was no running from it.

The need to cut , The ache of his loneliness, The guilt of how he had broken Faye, The guilt that was slowly eating away at his battered soul his a hungry beast that savored every chew.

It truly was eating Spike alive. No the drug the nurses or doctors could give him , could take away this pain , the pain that only could be eased by one name.

Faye Valentine.

_everything changes_

_everything falls apart_

_can't stop to feel myself losing control_

_but deep in my senses I know_

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OKAY. That was a pretty damn solid ending for this chapter , no unbearable cliffhangers, so I deserve nice reviews ! The lemon is coming up in the next chapter. The next chapter might be the end unless I come up with a good idea.

I AM TAKING SUGGESTIONS! SO WHEN YOU REVIEW ( please do!) GIVE ME AND IDEA AND THERE WILL BE A FEW MORE CHAOTERS TO THIS STORY OR EVEN A SEQUEL !

Any way…..

Next chapppie : Spike and Faye … together at last ?


	16. In your arms : the world falls away

Okay kiddies. This the last chapter yall better give me hella reviews. Nothing big to say.

Oh THE lemon is kind really graphic so , if you can't deal don't read it.

Any know any really good books ? ( teen fiction ?0

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Every night of the previous week Faye had cried herself to sleep. She hated herself for not being able to be at Spike's side , but Jet was right. She had to let Spike go. He had to help himself . Yet every night it ate away at her soul. Like some hideous monster was ripping out her heart little by little and nibbling at her core.

As pitiful as it seemed Faye couldn't turn her back on him . Even though she knew damn well to love a man like Spike Spiegel was no better than to knock on the devil's door. Jet had explained it to her, she had tried to aid Spike now it was in his hands. But as reasonable as it was it didn't make any sense . Love never did.

Especially a love like Faye's , devoted and loyal until the bitter end . Faye would walk unto the ends of earth, time, life and death for Spike's sake and ask nothing in return other than his happiness. Her love poured from the soul. It was the kind of love that was crazy beautiful. Like a star it shines and glimmers with unearthly beauty.

But the brightness of Faye's heart was hampered by a thick veil of grief. She curled in a ball on the motel bed , knees solidly tucked to her chest. She rose only to bath and eat, then returned to her bower of sadness. Her thick red curtains remained permanently closed, she cursed the sun for all it stood for. Happiness.

Try as she may she could not move on without Spike, in her life. Faye knew she couldn't follow Jet's example. After he was assured Spike would live and be forced in mandatory rehabilitation , he turned for the door. Even though Faye understood the logic of the method , let Spike take care of himself , she didn't respectful.

In a way it was the ultimate irony , all her life Faye had drifted in and out of people's lives. She turned her back on them before they could abandon her. And now , There was Spike who Faye could not walk away from. She knew that even if she somehow over came the grief of losing Spike , there would always be a aching hole that no man or drug could fill.

Faye buried her head deep inside the soft downy pillow , hoping they would guard her from the thought of such a future. In her mind's eyes was a mental image of Spike confined to his' hospital bed , the leather arm straps robbing him of the freedom he held so dear. His' complexion pale and sticky.

How could she turn her back on him ? All she could do was let wave after wave of sobs rack through body as she cried out his name over and over again.

" Please , Spike don't leave me here all alone."

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With Spike

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Max walked in the room holding his breathe , hoping with all his might that Spike was asleep. Carefully he walked in room balancing a tray full of bandages and wound cleansers. His sea foam green med outfits was a stark contrast to the white colors of the room.

" Thank God."

Spike lay feigning sleep as Max creep closer and closer to the bed. He was excepting one of the female nurses but this medical student was more than me could have hoped for. Max was a stick figure compared to Spike's lanky from. Spike would be done with him , with little more than one punch. But Spike was counting on Max's inexperience.

Over the week he had picked up that the real nurses never undid his leather arm and leg straps , but the interns…

Max breathed easy checking Spike's heart machine just to clear he really was asleep. Then he made his first and last mistake. Trying to be gentle Max cut the bandages off Spike's right arm and then , thinking it would be quicker and easier to wrap the arm if he undid strap, allowed his long slender fingers to undo the buckle.

All Spike needed was that. As soon as he felt the absence of hard fabric on his now raw skin he sprung into action , swinging his right fist hard in the teenager's face. Max's blue eye's were wide with shock as his nose broke in at least three places. The poor child didn't even have a chance to scream before he was a out-cold heap on the floor.

Spike ignored that small body on the floor as he made quick work of the rest of the straps that had locked his body the bed for the past week. His entire body felt sick for the sudden and straining movement . The gashes that laced his right arms looked ghastly . The cuts were swollen but no longer bleeding unstoppably but only trickle thin lines down Spike's hand. Were the leathers strap been was now raw and irritated skin.

But Spike ignored it all he had only one goal , one purpose in his life , get to Faye and confess. If she refused to come to him he would go to her . The thought ran over and over again Spike's mind as he viciously jerks two IV tubes out of each arm and wiping the blood away with his fist. Slowly Spike managed to walk over to Max and strip him of his clothing and exchange the garments for his own.

Now was the hard part.

In normal condition , Spike would have been able to lift Max with little effort but now it took at least five minutes for Spike to drag the boy over to the bed and prop his body to appear as his. Out of breath and panting Spike noticed with mild annoyance his unbandaged was beginning to bleed harder. Moving with urgency Spike snatched a bandage and shuffle out the door. The halls were dark , the only light was emmited by the gentle glow of the emergency lights.

Much to Spike's relief it seemed as though the only people left were janitors and a few nurses . Spike walked catlike to the end of the halls and look out into the loby. Lady Luck was in his favor, the nurse seemed to have disappeared for the moment , leaving the file room unattended. Quiet as a church mouse Spike slipped and inside and after a short search found his file . Wasting no time Spike thumbed to the Contacts page and found his target:

_Faye Valentine _

_Residence : Venus' Angel Hotel , Room 2327_

_Relation to Patient: Family. _

A rare smile grace's Spike thin but still strikingly handsome face and as he placed the file back in it's proper place and then slipped out of the hospital and off to find Faye.

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Back with Faye like 45 minutes later.

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There was a knock at her door. It was loud and harsh , interrupting the disturbing silence that had ruled unchallenged in Faye's room

Still laying in her fetal position , she lifted her head to look over her shoulder at the heavy wooden.

"Go Away!"

Her voice was half groan half yell but their was no mistaking the distress and tears . Faye allowed her head to flop down on the pillow prepared to let herself spiral back down into her personal well of grief she had become so familiar with. Yet the rapping on her wooden persisted, becoming more urgent by the second . Faye rolled over on to her soft belly and place a pillow over her head , as though the knocking would cease.

" Please , stop."

As if by command , the violent knocks on her door stopped. They were replaced by a soft yet firm voice laced with exhaustion.

" Faye … I have to tell you…"

Faye threw with body off the mattress and raced to the door swinging it open with sudden strength , that she had not felt for days. Now even thinking to cover her body , only dress in boy cut underwear and white camisole with a black bra lying underneath.

The voice was Spike's. As long as she lived she would never forget the sound of his voice. Even though he sounded winded and beaten down with exhaustion she would always hear his voice no matter what.

Spike almost took a step back when Faye opened up the door. Her once vivid emerald eyes , now ached with despair , hope flashing through her eyes as she took in his figure. And what a sight Spike must be. Dressed in a green Scrub outfit and ill fitting shoes.

His bandages bloodied through due to his efforts of escape. Rough hairs had grown on Spike's face making him look even more intense. Spike's mane of thick dark locks was messier than ever . But Faye didn't care , he was here. In the flesh , less than a arm's length away from her. His appearance still gaunt but she could see the dim flame in his eyes were a enferno had once been.

"Why?"

Her placed her hand on the door frame to keeping her from falling , that sounds was heaven to her ears. This was the moment she had been dreaming of , getting to see Spike again. There was so much her heart yearned to say , but no way she could express with mere words. And Even if she could she wouldn't allow herself to , she had walk away from Spike. Let him take care of himself , no matter how much her heart begged. It was best for both of them.

" Why what Spike ?"

Her voice betrayed her , holding a whimper showing her weakness. Faye bit her bottom lip and tried to avoid his eyes , knowing if she looked they would be no turning back. She knew exactly what he was asking , why she had broken her unspoken promise. Faye had broken it because , she knew that loving Spike was killing her inside , that Spike had to stand for himself.

" You know what Faye. "

Slowly Spike advanced , closing the distance between them and stepping across the threshold and into Faye's domain. Trying to escape his intoxicating Faye turned her back on him and strided to her unmade bed collapsing upon the mountain of pillows. Her unbridled hair formed a halo around her head as she stared at the ceiling . Ever aware of Spike moving around the room finally stopping at her chester drawer , keeping his back to her.

" Why did you leave me ?"

Faye grimaced as she felt the first hot tears slide down her cheek, straining to keep her voice unwavering Faye closed her eyes tightly shut. If she was ever to be free of Spike he had to know the truth. Or at else Faye believed to be the truth , when in fact she never wanted to be free of Spike.

" I couldn't stay …I couldn't see you like that it was too much."

It was lied and they both knew it.

" I couldn't stop thinking about you. Every day in the fucking hospital bed Faye , all I could think about was you, how I had to get here to tell you."

Faye lifted herself off the bed , her heart trembling with her step.

" Tell me what."

Spike turned to face her , his eyebrows stitched close together , eyes wide open and searching her face. Drinking how beautiful Faye was , both inside and out. She had offered him her heart for so long , now Spike could only pray he wasn't too late. They consequences for both Spike and Faye would most likely prove fatal.

" I am in love with you. I really am a fuckin idiot to almost miss I girl like you. I don't know why I couldn't see it before now, I don't deserve you. But you do deserve to know the truth. I'll walk away if you want me…"

Faye 's heart flutter in her chest , her hands had somehow flown to Spike's face , gently cupping his cheeks.

" Don't leave."

Soft tears slide gently down her cheeks . So this was how it would end , all in all , Her and Spike two broken souls finding one another in all the debris of their fallen lives.

Faye without a past and Spike without a future. All they had was each other and their present lives to cling to. Merging their broken pieces together to make a full picture.

" I won't."

Faye let a ghost of a smile grace her lips before standing on her very tip toes to place a soft chaste kiss upon Spike's lips. The brief contact set chills jolting through both their bodies . Faye sighed in relief as Spike's wounded yet still strong forearms slid around her waist line and pull her close to his body . His mouth gently encased hers to find a open invitation to his tongue. Faye's heart pounded so hard she feared Spike would hear it's beating , but he was to busy exploring her hot mouth with his bold yet delicate tongue.

All the rules and borders of the world slipped away in their kiss. Faye moaned into Spike as his hand found it's way to her breast rubbing her nipple into a hard mound of flesh that begged to be stroked in sweet oblivion . Even through her camisole and bra , Faye was sure he could feel her body calling for him. But Faye was too busy burying her hands in Spike's lush mane of hair and messaging his scalp and soothing his mouth with her own tongue to care.

Faye had wanted this ever since she first meet Spike , to feel the safety of his arms holding her , his arousal begging for her , his mouth conquering her entire body , his love. But she had never excepted the bounty hunter to be such a sensual lover , handling her curves as she were a piece of fine art. Yet what took Faye by surprise the most was the overwhelming sadness in Spike's kiss as though asked her forgive with both his words and the actions of both body and mouth.

Finally Spike broke the kiss to gently guide Faye backwards to the bed keeping one arm possessively around her waist , using the other to ease their bodies down on the matress. Once she was down Spike lowered himself over her supporting his weight with his arms ignoring the pain, that shot through his arms. Faye must have read his mind for she lifted her thighs to grasped Spike by the waist and quickly flip him over.

Careful not to sit on Spike's hard manhood , she balanced on his slender waist line. Faye slowly worked the thin paper-like green shirt over Spike's head and flung the material to the floor , allowing her hands to roam over Spike chest , taunt with fluid muscle. She made a trail of kissed from his elegant neck to just below his navel. Spike lay softly moaning under her his arms outstretched to either side of his body. His eyes were glazed with his passion , but he remind alert of every muscle Faye even twitched.

Slowly Faye kissed her way back up to Spike face gingerly stroking his cheek with one hand while the other rested on his belly. He trembled from the anticipation.

" Is this real ?"

Spike's voice was as hazy and soft as his face , as though he too had been dreaming of this moment . Where on the battle field of their lives , Spike and Faye could simply lay down their weapons and come together as they should be.

" Yes."

Faye breathed the words in Spike's ear as she embedded one hand in Spike's dark tresses , causing a light moan to spill from his full supple lips. With the other hand she captured on of Spike's hands and placed in the space between her breast. The haze slightly clearing from Spike's eyes he looked in her eyes searching. Faye smiled in response , as he splayed is fingers over her chest , as though he was measuring his heart.

" Yes , Spike it's real."

Spike blinked and sighed , not out of exhaustion but relief to finally know. Commanding his muscles to work Spike pulled his torso up into a sit position , Faye resting in his lap legs on either side of him. Drawing his hand away from her breast Spike let both hands trail slowly down to where he white camisole ended. Kissing the small canyon between Faye's breast he lifted the shirt over her head , letting the fabric sail to the carpeted floor. Spike drank in the beauty of Faye's full chest and porcelain stomach exposed to him. He had seen Faye in clothes similar to the barely there lingerie she wore now , but she full beauty was never examined by him until now.

Smiling delicately Spike , gazed into Faye's eyes, vision was only permitted between the two by the passionate red light case over the room by heavy drapes. Drapes that shut the world out.

Faye's body hummed as Spike's slender fingers danced over her back . Traces circles and lines with his hands. His lips kissed lines of hot fire over her belly , which she bared to him by leaning back into his strong arms. His muscles bugled , supporting Faye with little effort. All the pain in his wounds was gone. Faye's touch numbed the agony and gave life to only feelings of love and peace within Spike.

He wanted to return the feeling. With practiced grace , Spike unhooked Faye's black bra, lifting the fragile material over her shoulders and down her arms, letting his touch linger along with his eyes. Faye's breast with bare before like to perfect ivory circles and dark nipples in the center of each. Showing admiration ,

Spike worshiped one at a time. His teeth nipping them to aroused perfection , cautious not to lead Faye too far before , soothing the unbearable need with his hot mouth. His rough hands caressed and stroked each breast with passionate vigor. Faye cried out his name , making his heart leap every time she did. The sound was like a gentle song in Spike's keen ears. Her voice aroused him enough more , Spike quivered with wanting as he claimed her mouth. Their tongues dancing , until Spike broke lose of the kiss only to begin a path of ecstasy down Faye's neck. Her back arched, offering Spike all she held.

He did not miss the opportunity to thoroughly kissed her before Faye pushed him back onto the bed. Her hair becoming a halo around her face as she trailed her tongue on Spike's torso until the fabric of his pants stopped her from continuing . Spike's pulse quickened and his breath grew heavy , struggling to keep his desire bridled. Faye nails played across his V- Line , Spike arched up his back further inviting the contact.

" Faye…"

His voice sounded ragged and strained .

Faye placed a kiss right above his groin and smiled into his skinned. She wasn't done bringing his manhood to the brink of release. Ever so gently Faye brought down Spike's pants to the very tip of revealing his bulging manhood. Lower her body more , Faye's lips rested on Spike's smooth flesh directly above his nether region. She began to hum on the sensitive flesh. Almost immediately Spike's body went rigid , then trembled furiously . Faye continued humming listening to Spike's already hard breathing shift into ragged gasps for air. The vibrations her voice sent streaming through Spike's manhood , pushed him over the edge. Spike gave up his battle trying to conceal his pleasure , soft moans escaping his throat.

Faye stopped humming , pulling her body over Spike's to purr next to her ear , enjoy the feeling of his rock hard groin quiver next to her thigh.

" I want you Spike."

Those words unleashed a carnal energy in Spike that would have exploded the room. With one easy motion, Faye lay under him , moaning with pleasure as him now cupped her sex in his hands , rubbing her to the edge of climax. Spike stopped his messaging after Faye reached her first climax. She body shake with the aftermath of her orgasm. Tenderly Spike lifted her lower back to rid her body of the delicate underwear. Faye lay under him , naked , eager for his body to be truly connected with her. As though Spike could read her mind , his pants and underwear , became another decoration on the floor.

Finally Spike slipped his hips between Faye's thighs and pushed forward until the very tip of his manhood teasing her opening.

Faye groaned in wanting , fighting the urge to cry out.

" Spike."

Her words set Spike aflame as he plunged into Faye body , causing her to moan and pull his lips upon hers in a heated kiss. Their lips and tongues danced to the rhythm of Spike's strong thrust while Faye' body equal every push for a pull. Faye buried her face in Spike name , suckling and nipping his skin all the while , his sex surrounded her , his sweet smell of sandalwood drowning her in desire. Spike lost himself in Faye's heat , thrusting and thrusting until his lungs demanded he breath. He breathed in the heady scent of arousal as he went rigid with the coming climax. Burying his head in her midnight hair, Spike moaning , feeling his body spill into Faye. He pulled Faye with him , her climax following closely to his.

Still breathless from their exhilarating union , Faye lay docile in beside Spike , their hands together. Never had anyone awoken the emotion and feeling that Spike and Faye stirred in one another.

The moments passed quietly between the two. Both soaking in the promise their bodies had pledged to one another. No matter how many other they may lay with , it would always be with one another when they found true ecstasy

Though Spike and Faye still had miles to go and doubtless turmoil to overcome. They would no other be alone. The sadness that had shackled Spike for his entire life would now be waned by every kissed that passed between them. The emptiness that clawed at Faye would be filled each time she embraced Spike.

Their journeys were not by a long shot , but no longer would each journey alone.

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End

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OMG! A happy ending , don't just love me. Personally I love how this is written I think these last few chapters have been brillant … maybe I should type on my laptop more often.Yeah , it's been awesome writing this story.

I really enjoyed developing the plot and the romance. I do well on angst storys. Hate to tell yal but their will be no sequel I think just like ' First Cut is the deepest" it's a awesome story , I am not going to risk sullying it with a half ass sequel. Yeah but any way . BIG shout out to all my reviewers I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Kendra L. – Love you ! thanks for all your review , they keep my going

Loveandpeace522- you too! Your like what I consider a E-net girlfriend ( not in the lesbian sense lol ) thank you for all your badass reviewers.

Nusia- YOU ROCK !

Even though that's just a few ! I LOVE EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YALLL ! even the bad review's because they crack me up. LMAO !

REVIEW ! AND LOVE YOU !

PEACE , in the Middle East !

Love , Jadedghostgurl


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